Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
