I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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