Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
