Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
