You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
