i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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