Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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