Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
