just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
