so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
