I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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