Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
