Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
