ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
