I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
