I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize