Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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