Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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