The maid of honor just puked.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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