You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you win again, gameday.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
