im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
