i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
