I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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