you win again, gameday.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
