Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize