can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize