Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
