I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
