eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
