Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
