My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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