can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
