I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We left the knife in your bed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
