she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
