Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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