Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
