do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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