is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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