Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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