I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
