we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
