Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
