He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
