I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
