Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
