I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
