I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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