I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
