i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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