The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
