Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
