Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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