youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
