i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
