We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
