Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So squirting runs in the family.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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