Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
