my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
