consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
