This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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