never play flip cup with pint glasses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
