cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
