New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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