Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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