he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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