WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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